joy & believing

Thankful for Writing (A New Year's Eve Thought)

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 02:17:00 +0000

I am typing this blog in faraway Dededo, Guam, exactly two hours before 2009 bids goodbye.

Two things are racing in my mind right now: fear…and excitement. Two separate emotions that are in a quagmire; two different poles playing hopscotch in a thin line.

They say that ‘change’ is the one thing constant in life. If we are aspiring for something, that ‘change’ can present itself in the form of fresh air or new views, the promised elixir of hope, or the answer to our most prayed for dreams.

If there is one thing about ‘change’ that keeps me on my toes, it is the dreadful feeling of ‘anticipation’. Dreadful in a sense that we are forced to wait for whatever ‘change’ is bound to happen. We even equate ‘dread’ with ‘excitement’. If we are not so sure about the outcome of that ‘change’, we feel ‘dread’; likewise when victory or triumph is in the offing, we feel ‘excitement’. Talk about confidence, which, I feel, is the one thing that I’m not sure of I carry all the time.

Being the worry wart that I am, I always rely on these two words whenever people ask me about my feelings about ‘changes’ in my life that are bound to happen whether I like them or not: “Kinakabahan ka ba?” It is one question that I love to answer with a thin smile and feigned strength – “No, hindi ako kinakabahan. I’m just excited.”

That’s why I will never be a good classical pianist. I’m a nervous wreck especially hours before a recital. I remember the countless times when I would vomit for real, and had a case of cold hands minutes before I sit on the stool and had my turn on the piano.

It is thus a blessed and wonderful thing that I discovered ‘writing’, or rather, that ‘writing’ discovered me. It is the one thing that I can do in peace, at the solitary confinement of my room or in public places where I can selectively shut my ears off and veer away from the madding crowd. It is the one thing that embraced me – my warts and all, and it is the one thing that always believed in me – when I myself wouldn’t believe in me.

In writing, I don’t feel dreadful. Just excited. Because in it, I find the ally that is always there, ever loyal but not really blind to my imperfections; I can romance and make my way around it, and it is always the jilted lover who never fails to forgive and forget.

When I write, I feel a certain change that is totally liberating. It frees my fearful soul, it trumps whatever shortcomings I have as a little human walking in a world of supreme and towering giants.

It is New Year’s Eve, and the year 2009 has been so good to me in terms of the wonderful things that God has blessed me with. Career-wise, it is my writing endeavors that shone the brightest. I was given the chance to head the creative department of a Manila-based Christian Network, was assigned a couple of episodes to write for a top-rating national kiddie show, was part of an OFW-based magazine that continues to give inspiration and hope to its readers, and as a bonus, was also blessed to have won in not just one, but two prestigious writing contests in the country.

It is one thing to dread the unknown, and one thing to embrace what that unknown brings. Being a writer gives me that bravery to tackle things from off shores. It is the megaphone that I can use so the world may have the chance to hear this minute voice. This thing called ‘Writing’ has given me that warm shirt on my back, that roof over my head, that fireplace in that grimy, cruel cold. It is one thing that I know God has given gifted me with, and I can only hope that as the new year beckons, I will continue to learn and be fruitful, and most of all I pray that I will be a worthy steward of this gift.

Imagine and Believe...Merry Christmas Everyone!

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 00:04:00 +0000

Image above based from my book, "Ang Batang Maraming Bawal", artwork by Rodel Tapaya and published by CANVAS and UST Publishing House.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

My novel won!

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 13:04:00 +0000

Just this morning, as I was in the middle of previewing in my PC a raw cut of a shoot we did two days ago in Parañaque, my local phone at the office rang. Some female voice from the Filipinas Heritage Library/National Book Development Board was looking for me. After confirming to her that it was me on the line, she casually asked for my TIN number and other information. Puzzled, I asked her why she was asking for those information. Casually, she said she was preparing a cheque. A cheque?

I was still nonplussed. “This is about what?” I asked her.

Like waking up from a stupor, I only heard the following:

“….The National Book Development Board….your entry….won in the Filipino fiction…”

“Did you mean, the Pinoy Story Writing Contest? I didn’t know I won.”

I now totally forgot about the contest already. I know from the rules they were supposed to announce the winners in late November. It’s now December 9.

“Kailan ang awarding?” I asked, excited.

She said something like this:

“It was held last November 23 at the Greenbelt 3. We were calling you but we can’t reach you…”

For a while there, nanghinayang ako. But only for about 5 seconds. She then told me the number where the organizers called and texted me, and yes, two of the digits were mixed up.

“May press release na ba sa website nila?”

“Wala pa po ata…”

Stunned, I immediately looked for the number of the National Book Development Board after putting the phone down.

Later, after talking to Miss Dianne from the NBDB, she finally relayed to me the good news that my 108-pages novel, Bukas, A.D. was one of the winners in the contest.

I was thrilled. Totoo ba ito? When I asked her who the judges were, she didn’t know but told me the team from Anvil Publishing picked the winners. I was doubly happier when she told me that Anvil Publishing has included the manuscript for their 2010 releases.

I felt so happy. Actually, hanggang ngayon, medyo nakalutang pa ako. The novel was a labor of a love. It is very different from what I have done before, and am so glad it was noticed. Thank You, Lord for this blessing!

Will keep you posted on the development of the book. :-)

Punta Sa Saturn Pag Puno Na Sa Earth

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 12:32:00 +0000

Or: How Belle Changed The Ending of the Disney movie Up

One night a couple of days ago I saw Belle reading this illustrated Bible story book. I know for sure that Belle loves reading different storybooks but this time she called and asked me to turn the pages for her. Or rather, she asked me to turn a couple of pages she dreaded. When I asked her why, she looked uneasy and fearful. The pages in question featured drawings from the crucifixion scene, especially one of Jesus Christ hanging on the cross, all bloodied and dead, forsaken and forlorn.

From the look in her face, I know Belle was a bit affected. When I asked her what the matter was, she started her litany by saying, “Is God really good, Papa?” When I asked her why she thought of that, she answered, “Ilang prayers ko na ang hindi niya sinasagot. I prayed that no one will die. Yet, namatay si Francis Magalona, namatay si Cory Aquino…” and a few other names I forgot to recall.

I looked at her and somewhat remembered an incident before while I was growing up in Kamuning, Quezon City. That time, I saw my father smoking his favorite Pall Mall cigarette. From out of the blue, I felt fearful. How can a seven year old kid feel fearful, and how should I suppose to know then that smoking was hazardous to one’s health? My father was standing there beside our gas range, shirtless, enjoying blowing the thin wisp of smoke that seemed to dance in emanating circles in the air. My father then, all of 30 or 31, looked like he was an old man; like the smoke he cradled on his lips would whisk him off to some faraway places only he knew. For some reason, that image stayed in my mind – and only recaptured now. I was transfixed, but the vision got me worried. Right there and then I decided I never want to lose a loved one.

“Bakit mo ba iniisip iyan? You don’t have to think about those things,” I said without thinking. And it made me more depressed, having realized it was not a satisfactory answer.

Belle started to cry. I just hugged and comforted her, encircling her with my right arm. It was late in the evening, and we were propping up for bed. This scene was happening while Ivan was playing with his little animal toys. I was immediately aware of my kids’ differences – Ivan was three, enjoying his fare, careless and free in spite of the little dramatics between his father and sister; and Belle was nine, and the questions are starting to queue in a different direction – a direction brimming with precocity, a direction I feared was forthcoming.

I had to admit this was one parenthood coffer that I still had to unearth. How do we answer questions without appearing distant and unaffected, or how do we say our take on things seemingly trivial for us but a big deal to our kids? To answer Belle’s flurry of questions on mortality, I started to look for the answers deep within myself. For a moment there I was stymied. Oh, how I hated knowing little. How I hated me for not having sufficient knowledge to give her my answers in pronto. I just felt I had to answer something in the affirmative, an answer that would somehow, I hope, appease her.

“That’s why we always have to pray to God to give us long life, di ba?”

“Ibig sabihin lahat tayo mamamatay?”the tears now freely flowing.

“Bakit mo ba iniisip iyan, honey? Matagal pa iyon. God will be with us, He will protect us. He will bless us with old age.”

I still wasn’t satisfied with my answer. I felt it was a cop out. The bottom line there was still, yes, we all will pass one day. But I hated myself more for being coy, for playing it safe, and for not answering “yes”.

In principle, I wished I could have told her, “Yes, anak, death naman is not the end. It is only the door that ushers us into eternity…” I tried my best to rephrase the words in my mind, but how do I put it all together so she could understand better? You never discuss death to little children, like you would never expose to them your feeble side.

What she answered back made me freak out, I almost guffawed but instantly checked my reaction so as not to belittle her serious mood:

“Puwede namang sa Saturn na lang lumipat yung ibang tao pag napuno na sa Earth.”

Even in the movies, Belle could not, or would not accept the issue of death in the face. When both of us were watching the animated Pixar movie, Up, she resented both the facts that the two young parents were childless and that later in the first part of the movie, that Ellie would leave Carl due to old age. Belle cried buckets, like I shed naman a few tears. Couldn’t help it, for I remembered both my Lolo Fred and Lola Juaning. Belle a few days after made a resolve to put a more happy face in that part of the story and came with her own version.

I will type the handwritten words in verbatim:

Up II! (At may sequel na!)

Rusle is feeding Kevin chocolate and can you belive it Ellie and Carl have a baby and their playing with him and dog is running from the squirl!

THE END!

Notice the exclamation points for emphasis!

I remember when I was in high school, we were given a writing exercise in Filipino where we had to re-write the ending of Benjamin Pascual’s harrowing story of Ang Kalupi. I figured the errant and judgmental Aling Marta deserves to be brought to her knees and face a firing squad, but what I came up with on paper was a version that presented Aling Marta as a deeply remorseful and apologetic woman who was serious in atoning for her grave mistake.

The point of this whole blog has something to do with us mortals and our earnest desire to see life only in sugar-coated terms. If possible, and we pray hard at that, we only want to see a Hollywood ending to all things. We abhor, or maybe fear death, much as we resent the times changing for the worst. Belle of course felt the same way I did when I saw my old man engulfed in the smokes of his cigarette. She has a valid point when she told me that if God is really good, why does He allow suffering and death to happen?

Of course, when she grows up, she will seek and find the answers herself. I’m confident of that. For now, the only thing I can offer maybe, especially when she would present to me questions that seemed to come from a planet as far away as Saturn, was an answer with a wink, “I don’t know, honey. But if you’re willing, I’ll take this ride with you and let’s both try to find out.”

Astrid

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 05:34:00 +0000

Astrid's book Bayong ng Kuting. Her autograph reads: Para Kay Don, Love your pets! Enjoy the book! -Astrid. The night before I went to her wake, binasa ko ang kuwentong ito at bedtime sa aking mga anak - in tribute to the book's author.

Her last picture during the NCBD. This picture appeared in the August issue of PTS. L-R: Augie Rivera, Rhandee Garlitos, Zarah Gagatiga, and Astrid.

Astrid with her winsome smile, sabi nga ni Zarah - "The Jack Nicholson Smile". She won honorable mention in this edition of the NCBD held at the Cultural Center of the Philippines for her story, "Tatay's Photographs".

L-R: Astrid, Bong Oris, Raissa Falgui, Yas Ortiga, Mr. Sari Ortiga of Crucible Gallery and me.

***

I know this post is late, but sabi nga, better late than never. Mae Astrid Tobias, colleague and friend (kahit sa kaunting panahon lang) succumbed last August 23 from Lupus. 2006 pa lang ng Disyembre aware na akong may sakit siyang ganito dahil napag-usapan nila ni Tito Dok Gatmaitan habang nagkukuwentuhan kami during our Kuting Christmas party. That was the night when we first got introduced, kakarating lang niya from the Netherlands. Memorable din na ako ang nakakuha ng gift niya sa exchange gift – some delicious bars of Holland’s dark chocolates.

When Augie Rivera informed me na pumanaw na si Astrid that morning, can’t help but feel shocked and…depressed. Astrid’s talent and dedication to her craft was definitely formidable, and her achievements, enviable. Having churned out books after books and stories after stories in such a short span of time, she passed away na may ilan pang book projects na nakabinbin.

Nakakahinayang rin dahil nagsisimula pa lang talaga ang aming pagkakaibigan. I really felt that friendship started when she left a message in one of my blogs when it was my birthday:

Dear Don, I wish you all the best. Sana makamit mo ang iyong mga pangarap. Astrid.

The last time we met, magkatabi pa kaming nanood sa Cinemalaya 2009 ng Last Supper No.3 and Ang Panggagahasa Kay Fe – kung saan napag-usapan namin more or less ang merits and weaknesses of the aforementioned films. Napag-usapan rin namin ang kanyang dream project, ang “Kuting Night” where I honestly told her na mapapag-coat and tie mo kaya kaming mga boys? Sabi lang niya, “Sige, just tell me what’s on your mind. Makikinig ako.”

Masuwerte na lang at during Kuting’s GA last July, dinala ko ang kopya ko ng Bayong ng Kuting para makapag-pa-autograph sa kanya. During the last National Children’s Book Day rin na ginanap sa Marikina, bumili at nagpa-autograph ako sa kopya ko ng kanyang latest children’s book, ang Bakawan. Naalala kong tinanong niya sa akin while we were seated, “Don, buti nakarating ka? Sa South ka pa, di ba?” Ang sabi ko na lang, “Ako pa? Red letter day sa akin ang NCBD.” Kaya nga kahit sa dulo ng earth pa ang Marikina ng Las Piñas, nag-leave ako sa opisina para makadalo.

Nag-kodakan moments kami afterwards nang lumapit na sa amin ang fellow Kuting member at PBBY Salanga Grand Prize Winner na si Rhandee Garlitos. Pinagkaguluhan namin ang medallion niya. Kinuha pa nga ni Augie ang kanyang laptop at pinahid ang medalya ni Rhandee duon. It was such a funny moment. Actually hindi ko agad pinost ang pictures dahil plano kong ipakita sa kanila pag lumabas na ang isyu ng Pinoy Tayo Sanman, ang magazine na hinahawakan ko bilang editor. Sadly, hindi na umabot. Ipinost ko lang sa yahoogroups ng Kuting when Liwa asked us for pictures of her. Habang tinitignan ko ang picture, sinong mag-aakalang in a few days time eh iiwanan niya na pala tayo?

I can only encapsulate best what Pepper’s mom (Pepper was Astrid’s boyfriend), told everyone present during the eulogies during Astrid’s wake. It goes something like this: For us, Astrid was like a shooting star – she was gone too soon.

Salamat sa buhay at sa mga kuwento, Astrid!

***

Mae Astrid Tobias was a multi-awarded writer who won honors, among others, from the Palanca (Bayong ng Kuting) and the Philippine Board on Books for Young People (PBBY) awards (Ang Gulong ni Bong and Tatay’s Photographs). Her retellings of the Ifugao epic Hudhud, through her children’s books "Pumbakhayon" and "Halikpon" (published by the National Commission for Culture and the Arts), was a finalist in the 2006 National Book Awards for children’s literature and best book design. An expert in children and media, she obtained her training from the Radio Netherlands Training Center in the Netherlands. From 2003 to 2007, she served as Bureau Manager for the Kabataan News Network (KNN), a project of the Probe Foundation, Inc and UNICEF, training young children in developing and producing their own children’s news show. She also served as writer to the educational children’s show, Eskuwela ng Bayan, Sirit and Batang Bibbo.She also wrote and produced corporate communications and audio-visual presentations and develops web content. She also served as production assistant on Alak ng Bagong Tipan: Simbahan at Pagpapari, a documentary on Cardinal Sin’s contribution to the Church and priesthood.

From 2004 until 2006, she was President of the Kuwentista ng mga Tsikiting (KUTING), the Philippines’ premiere organization of Filipino professional writers for children.

Write-up based from http://www.creativeadvocacies.com/

Thank God for those little chicken soups.

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:38:00 +0000

Physically tired and mentally drained from finishing the first draft of a script at work (for a program I’m in charge of developing), I got home at around 8 p.m. feeling starved and aching to eat something ‘soupy’. Sabi ko nga, I’m the one person na parang hindi makakain nang masaya pag walang ‘sabaw’. Totoo. Even my two kids sa akin yata nagmana. Every time Joy would call us for lunch or dinner, you can almost always hear the question, either from me or Belle, or lately from Ivan, “May soup, Mama?”

But there was no soup, technically, the soup na hinihigop, on the table. Joy cooked pinakbet and an inadobong isda ( I forgot the name) con pruned kamias. I can’t complain. Nakadalawang plato ako sa sarap. But I’m getting a head of the story for this blog.

Naabutan ko si Joy helping Belle with her Geometry project. I was about to go straight to our room to change my clothes when Belle told me about a book she borrowed from the library earlier. “Papa, I will read to you something, naiyak ako.”

Belle just turned 9 last July 26, and since she started reading from the age of four if I’m not mistaken, this is the first time I hear her say na “naiyak ako.” Sure, Belle is “mababaw ang luha” when it comes to senti children’s movies, but “naiyak” because of a story she’d just read? I was curious to find out kung anong kuwento iyon.

While Joy was re-heating my dinner, I sat beside Belle while she read for me lines from the book called Chicken Soup for Little Souls: The Best Night Out With Dad. The story was adapted from “The Circus” by Dan Clark, and written by Lisa McCourt with illustrations by Bert Dodson. The story is about a young boy named Danny who just met a fellow young boy named Vincent at the entrance of the Circus gates. Both of the young boys were accompanied by their fathers, in what promises to be a wonderful night out. Danny is used to watching spectacles after spectacles from the circus show while this is going to be Vincent’s first. When it’s time to purchase the entrance tickets, Vincent’s dad was crestfallen because the coupon he presented to the ticket agent was no longer honored. In an instant, Vincent’s excitement evaporated into thin air. He was taken out of the line and he and his father started to walk away far from the gates. Danny was troubled. What would he do?

Belle read one of the first lines from page one and skipped to the last few pages, reading a bit fast but pausing for the dramatic lines to emphasize the crucial lines. I was half-paying attention as I smelled the food from the stove, their aroma almost intoxicating my starved stomach. But looking at Belle’s eyes as she read the lines with intensity and gusto, manghang-mangha ako. Yes, siguro nga I’m beginning to witness how advanced her reading comprehension is compared with mine when I was the same age. When I was nine, I only remember me still reading Aesop’s fables, a few Enid Blyton’s which I can’t hardly understand at all or the tales of Peter Rabbit. But here is my girl, immersing herself in a story ringing with paternal issues and social relevance.

Once I finished eating my dinner, agad kong binasa ang libro. Dahil sa pananaw ko, maaaring touching ang kuwento – pero nakakaiyak? But wait. Once I started reading the large-type book, it didn’t take ten minutes bago ako napasinghot at naiyak sa kuwento! Yeah, Belle’s vibe on the story was for real.

Kaya ako, hindi ko na inulit magbasa ng Chicken Soup series lalo na kapag nakapila ako sa may shuttle terminal sa labas ng village namin. Dahil one time, nakakatawa, habang nakatapat ako sa may Security Agency pa naman, dumaloy na lang basta ang luha ko. Siyempre hindi pinahalata, kunwari napuwing lang ako habang pasimpleng pinupunasan ang luha ko; at kunwari na rin, nililinis ko lang ang salamin ko. I just closed the book and stopped reading. Diyahe.

Nakakabilib din dahil itong Chicken Soup series ay ginawan na rin ng picture book version ng Scholastic. Ano kaya ang susunod, TV series?

Right now I’m really thankful dahil Belle is proving to be one of my staunchest critics when it comes to my first drafts. Siguro a few more months puwede ko nang ipabasa sa kanya ang mga ‘mushy’ children’s stories na nagawa ko noon – at hindi ko sasabihing ako ang nagsulat – at pag naiyak siya – I’ll be happy. J

One Day In Your Life

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 01:01:00 +0000

Something about this song from the late King of Pop always makes me lethargic and pretty sentimental. Up to now, it is a favorite selection in my music player. I'm not quite sure if this has something to do with my growing up as a kid in Kamuning, QC where it was always played on our old fashioned Hitachi stereo.

When my friends ask me, "Do you like Michael Jackson?" I always answer, "I'm not a fan. But I like his songs from his Jackson 5 years..." - and that includes Ben, I'll Be There, etc.

Here's the mushy and unapologetically sentimental piece that I love:

One day in your life you'll remember a place
Someone's touching your face
You'll come back and you'll look around you

One day in your life You'll remember the love you found here
You'll remember me somehow
Though you don't need me now I will stay in your heart

And when things fall apart
You'll remember one day...

One day in your life
When you find that you're always waiting
For the love we used to share
Just call my name
And I'll be there (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh...)

You'll remember me somehow
Though you don't need me now I will stay in your heart
And when things fall apart
You'll remember one day...
One day in your life
When you find that you're always longing for the love we used to share

Just call my name And I'll be there (Ohh...)

***

Thank you for the music, Michael J!

Thoughts on Father's Day

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 12:16:00 +0000

Our children are a heritage,A blessing from the Lord;They bring a richness to our lives—In each, a treasure stored. —Fasick

Years ago, before I settled down and became a father to two wonderful kids, I always had this sense of ambivalence whenever Father’s Day is celebrated.

The meaning of fatherhood has never presented itself on me as I reached puberty. When I was a teenager trying to grasp the meaning of so many things, Fatherhood is only a word that probably gazed at my being – it feigned to be there – only, it wasn’t there.

But I believe fatherhood was given to me, first and foremost, to dispel any negative notions I had about the term itself. It was a gift that I was blessed to receive. Even if fatherhood is sometimes a tightrope walk, I wouldn’t exchange it for anything in the world. It was like God telling me, your earthly father might have abandoned you, but now is the time for you to make your mark on your kids’ lives…it is not easy, but it pays to traverse with them side by side, if not to be there with them in the end, at least see that they are walking in a direction different from what you’ve taken.

That is why maybe I cannot imagine myself working far away from my family for longer periods of time. I cannot grasp the meaning of two persons getting tied up together and then separating in the name of brighter cash, brighter work. That is why, maybe, I never picture myself working in a distant land in the guise of bringing them the quintessential honey and bread, in the promise of securing for them a brighter future.

Maybe that’s why I’m also ambivalent about so many things – like the things that caused my earthly father to fly and move so far away from us at the prospect of investing gold to secure our future – a prospect that didn’t take place, a move that compromised the very essence of family and responsibility.

Early on, I decided that if ever I will be a father, I would be there not just to be called father, but to play the role – and let me tell you, I’m enjoying every minute of it! I see that we will not always be there for our children, but the least that we could do for now maybe is to make memories with them – those memories they will hinge on and cling to in the coming days of their lives when they themselves would try to figure out for themselves the meaning of the word, ‘father’.

Father’s Day now is always anticipated. Just this morning upon waking up, after greeting me “Papa, happy father’s Day!”, Belle showed me a PowerPoint presentation she did with Mama Joy in lieu of the printed card I always expect to receive from her. Later on after church, we met with my sister Ate But (my only sibling living here in Manila) and her husband Kuya Benjie and nephew Matty and celebrated Father’s Day at the Mall of Asia Savory Chicken Restaurant.

Later on Belle and Ivan and I browsed at the children’s section of Powerbooks. Saw a set of new titles, including fellow Kuting Becky Bravo’s Fetch. We went home at past five, feeling sticky and tired, especially after walking up at the wrong car park. But you know what? I couldn’t forget the ‘treat’ my family gave me on this special day; in fact, the only day other than my birthday I can truly call my own.

Let me share this devotional I just read from inspirational writer David H. Roper:

A friend of mine wrote recently, “If we died tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family left behind would feel the loss for the rest of their lives. Why then do we invest so much in our work and so little in our children’s lives?”

Why do we sometimes exhaust ourselves rising up early and going late to rest, “eating the bread of anxious toil” (Ps. 127:1-2 esv), busying ourselves to make our mark on this world, and overlooking the one investment that matters beyond everything else—our children?
Solomon declared, “Children are a heritage from the Lord”—an invaluable legacy He has bequeathed us. “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth” (v.4) is his striking simile. Nothing is more worthy of our energy and time.

There is no need for “anxious toil,” working night and day, the wise man Solomon proclaimed, for the Lord does take care of us (Ps. 127:2). We can make time for our children and trust that the Lord will provide for all of our physical needs. Children, whether our own or those we disciple, are our lasting legacy—an investment we’ll never regret.

Happy Father’s Day to everyone!

A writer's note for kids who read rarely

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Tue, 19 May 2009 02:18:00 +0000

A writer's note for kids who read rarely
by Kristine Servando, abs-cbnNEWS.com/Newsbreak 05/18/2009

In a generation when children opt to watch television or play computer games, it is sometimes hard to tempt youngsters to read an entire book for leisure. But for this country's first two-time Romeo Forbes Children's Storywriting Competition winner, getting children to read again is a lifetime labor of love.

A budding fictionist, illustrator, and producer at the ripe age of 39, Fernando Gonzalez said it is one of his passions to make children, including his own, love reading books.

"Gusto ko makatulong sa mga bata na maging reader. Kasi yung mga bata sa panahon ngayon, hindi sila ganun ka-avid na reader," he said. "I want them to learn the stuff that will make their imaginations work because the most fulfilling thing that you can do is to help them express their creative ideas."

In his latest grand prize-winning entry in one of the most prestigious children's writing competitions, Gonzalez's ideal childlike imagination comes alive in a character named Kikoy, a mischievous and playful young boy in the Spanish era.

He is tasked by a priest to guard several bamboo poles buried beneath the soil near the seashore. Every day, Kikoy hears music coming from beneath the ground, which seems at once curious and wonderful.

His story titled "Mga Huni sa Loob Ng Kawayan" (literally meaning chirping inside bamboo) is both a tribute to the Las Piñas Bamboo Organ, considered a national heritage, and a way to capture a child's interest in learning about nuggets of Philippine history.

"When I write, I see to it that my readers ay makakapulot ng kahit maliit na bagay lang, that legacy of giving something sensible or marangal. As a writer, you have a social responsibility to make this world a better place to live in," he said.

The story, which he considers his favorite work, was inspired by his own experience squeezing into the claustrophobic space behind the Las Piñas Bamboo Organ. He said the story was already written in his mind years prior to the Romeo Forbes contest.

After eight drafts and much research, the story was polished to match the contest's requirements. Contestants are asked to write stories based on the contest piece. For 2009, it was a painting by Juanito Torres of several young boys in Katipunero-esque gear with their swords raised in the air.

As Gonzalez's prize after winning in April 2009, he was given P35,000 and his story will be published next year into a full-color book (both in English and Filipino) by the Center for Art, New Ventures and Sustainable Development or CANVAS, and the University of Santo Tomas press.

Big break

Prior to this, his first ever winning entry to the 2008 Romeo Forbes Children's Storywriting Competition, "Ang Batang Maraming Bawal," was written while he was at the hospital, awaiting the birth of his second child Ivan Zion.

"My wife was in labor for 22 hours. We were in a hospital room, waiting, and I saw a bunch of newspapers, mostly back issues. On one of them, I saw a call for entries for the Romeo Forbes competition. So that I wouldn't be bored, I started writing and walking around the hospital," he said.

"Then I saw a poster about Newborn Screening, showing a child who wasn't screened and grew up slightly retarded. Then I thought, what are their lives like, what can they do with their lives?" he recounted.

In his winning piece, Gonzalez wrote about a sickly boy, much like the author himself as a child, whose wild imagination took him all over the Philippines in his effort to transcend the confines of his bed. The main character is suffering from a blood disease and has to put up with many restrictions to ensure his safety, something he thinks diseased children can relate to.

"I have many friends with children who have leukemia or who got sick at a very young age. One of them, Gwen, my godfather's daughter, was one of my biggest inspirations. It's about coping and and teaching you how to rise above your difficulties. It's about the power of the mind," he said.

Although he had previously won some acclaim in other writing competitions, Gonzalez said he considers this victory as his "biggest break" into the children's storywriting world.

"I was a total unknown, and I was so surprised that I won. This is meaningful because this is my first children's story book. Although I've published children's stories before, they were not published as books, only in magazines," he said, proudly showing off a hard-cover copy of "Ang Batang Maraming Bawal," tastefully illustrated by Rodel Tapaya.

"My family bought a lot of copies to distribute to friends. Mahal kasi eh. Even I can't afford my book," he quipped.

Artistic roots

Being named after National Artist Fernando Amorsolo, born to a painter father (Serafin "Sergon" Gonzalez), and being part of a brood of 5 artistically-inclined siblings, perhaps this was a fitting start to what would be a voraciously artistic life. He grew up in Quezon City then later moved to Las Piñas, where he is based to this day.

From a very young age, it was clear that Gonzalez had a flair for story-telling. He recounts how, at the age of 6 or 7, he would already direct fantastical stage plays starring his friends. "We would make our aunts and uncles watch, and even sold them makeshift tickets for 10 cents. We would record our sounds on a cassette tape then read from a script," he said.

Gonzalez said he always liked stories with a whimsical aspect, a tendency heavily influenced by his frequent trips to the theater to watch Disney films in the mid-1970s. One of his earliest stage plays was about a magical umbrella, probably inspired by the hit musical "Mary Poppins."

An inkling of his potentials as a poet, meanwhile, was sparked when his 5th grade teacher accused him of plagiarizing a poem submission, thinking that it was far too advanced material for an 11-year-old boy. "She announced this in front of the whole class. For a 5th grader, this was very painful. But thinking about it now, I just say 'Ah! She was fooled,'" he said.

As a schoolboy, he would keep on joining writing contests, some of which he won. However, Gonzalez, confessed that when he was young, he had not always wanted to be a writer, but a painter like his father.

"I guess later on I thought, I wanted to be a story-teller. It didn't matter what field I was in, be it film, or something, because you're still telling stories," he said.

Dream projects

In his professional life, Gonzalez said he has had his fair share of wins and losses after joining literary contests countless times, from the Palanca Awards to the Salanga Prize, in a myriad of categories from screenplay writing to "text message poetry."

His road to becoming an acclaimed children's story writer was a long one. His first job was as a music teacher at the Yamaha School of Music in Las Piñas, after opting not to finish his piano degree at the University of the Philippines-Diliman Conservatory of Music. He finished his piano level at the Cathedral of Praise, where he would head musical productions and arrangements.

Later on, he delved into TV production and scriptwriting at a Makati-based multi-media company Beginnings at Twenty Plus Inc. where he handles programming of two channels. He had held positions as a subtitlist (putting in English subtitles to Filipino films and Filipino subtitles to American films) as well as a creative director.

He has also illustrated and produced several segments of the "Alamat Series" on "Pilipino Klasiks" aired on Destiny Cable. Gonzalez has also published several Filipino novelettes and is editor-in-chief of a magazine geared towards overseas Filipino workers.

It is only in his spare time, Gonzalez said, when he gets to unleash the children's story author in him to the fullest. "Every weekend, I make it a point to sit down and write at least one page because as a writer you have to be disciplined. But yung nakaka-stress kasi yung gabing-gabi na and may naiisip ka pa."

The story of a struggling writer working a day job--sometimes completely unrelated to their craft--is the story of many of Gonzalez's peers in the industry and from the country's premiere writer's group for children, Kwentista ng mga Tsikiting (KUTING), which he joined in 2006.

"It's a dream to be able to write full-time, to work from home and live off your royalties. But I think that's not possible in the Philippines. We all have day jobs, we're just doing this as a vocation or a hobby. But sometimes I think 'Ano ba talaga gusto mo gawin?' I want to create more books and leave a legacy for generations to come," he said.

Child at heart

A self-taught writer, Gonzalez said he has devoted much of his time in improving his craft by signing up for short writing courses online or applying for writing felllowships like the 2008 6th Barlaya Writing for Young Adults Workshop.

To encourage his writing, his mother and his wife had dedicated portions of their home as his writing nook, where he is reportedly often seen crying. "Umiiyak kasi ako talaga pag nakakaiyak yung story na sinusulat ko. My wife laughs at me but I don't mind. I have to convince myself first [about my story's capacity to stir emotions] before I can convince others," he said.

His wife, Josephine Añonuevo, also serves as his personal editor and critic, deftly providing advice on Filipino words to use in his stories.

To keep up with his fertile mind, Gonzalez has taken to scribbling hundreds of story ideas into notebooks or keeping a note of it on his cellular phone. To date, the author has come up with many piquing titles for children's stories including "Ssssh! Huwag Daw Kami Maingay" or "Nang Maubusan ng Kwento si Tatay," each yet to be written.

He said his children, 8-year-old Tiara Ysabelle and 3-year-old Ivan, provide him with constant inspiration (and pressure) to come up with more and more stories each day. Even the most mundane objects can inspire something in him, from the insistent prodding of his daughter, who orders him to tell her two unique bedtime stories a day.

"I told her story about an electric fan that wanted to become an airconditioner. One time, I saw my son coughing, then I saw that he wasn't wearing a 'bimpo' (a baby towel used to keep children's backs dry). I said, maybe his sweat dried on his shirt, and he caught a cold. Then I got inspired and made a story about the 'bimpo' which I am currently submitting to publishing houses," he said.

In his story titled "Bimpo," a young boy's well-worn towel starts feeling slighted after it notices that friends and family only complement the boy's clothes at parties. It also starts to feel inferior to cleaner and newer clothes on the clothesline. But after the boy forgets to bring it along with him on a field trip, the filthy towel then realizes its importance.

His eldest, Belle, has even started to show signs of taking after her father, writing and illustrating one-page stories of her own. In one case, she scribbled a story called "The Legent (sic) of the Sand" on bond paper, embellishing it with illustrations of her own using crayon and markers.

Late bloomer

With a writing record under his belt, Gonzalez is now setting his sights on what he calls his "dream project": to make a children's book or a film about Filipino values which can win international acclaim.

Pushing 40 years old, Gonzalez is quick to admit that although he has come so far already, he still has a long way to go on the road to fame and writing glory. "I feel like since I was in Grade 5 up to this time, ang tagal ko nagsimula. Then it is only now that my career in children's writing is taking off. I'm a later bloomer, so I still have to learn and unlearn a few things in writing and making stories," he said.

However, Gonzalez said he has no fear because the story of his life is to live on dreams. "I will write and write. What matters is, what I write can be read by children. What I only want is to offer a story to the world that my own children can be proud of," he said.

You can read the online article here.

(Special thanks to Kristine Servando and David Dizon of abs-cbn online.)

Happy 3rd Birthday, Ivan!

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Tue, 05 May 2009 03:55:00 +0000

Ring bearer at Tito Bryan and Tita Jaydee's wedding last April.

With Ate Belle at Amuyong.

Playing with Kuya Matty's cars galore at 1080.

Two-timer! (CANVAS the second time around...)

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 04:56:00 +0000

OMG! Is this really happening? One of the most surreal things to ever happen in my lifetime...
Would like to share the good news with you, my family, loved ones and friends! Special mention to my writers' group, Kuting, who helped me workshop this story during its initial stages. Congrats too to fellow children's writer and friend, Gene (Genaro).

Here's the press release:

CANVAS is pleased to announce that Fernando Gonzalez, in a close decision, has won the 2009 Romeo Forbes Children's Story Writing Competition for his story, Mga Huni sa Loob ng Kawayan. He becomes our first two-time winner, having previously won for "Ang Batang Maraming Bawal."

The rest of the finalists - in no particular order - were:

* Sierra Mae Paraan for "Ang Balangay ng Magigiting"
* Joaquim Emilio Antonio for "Ang Silid ni Bb. Ismid" and
* Genaro Gojo Cruz for "Ang mga Anak ng Bayan sa Katipunan."

The panel of judges was composed of Mariella Sugue, a 2006 TOYM Awardee who co-founded the Child Protection Unit (CPU) under the Department of Pediatrics of the Philippine General Hospital that pioneered the multi-disciplinary approach to the care of abused children; Bam Aquino, former chairperson of the National Youth Commission and president of MicroventuresInc., which runs Hapinoy - the first and largest chain of sari-sari stores in the country; and CANVAS Executive Director Gigo Alampay.

A couple of notable notes: This year's contest piece (shown above) by artist Juanito Torres inspired over 80 original stories from Filipino writers, with some coming from as far away as the United Kingdom and the United States. This is also the first time that the stories that made it to the final round were all written in Filipino.

Thank you to all those who participated in this year's competition. And congratulations, again, to Fernando "Don" Gonzalez!

No Rewind, No Replay

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 06:36:00 +0000

What made the Las Piñas Montessori School Foundation Day event special, other than seeing Belle perform her musical and dance numbers, siyempre ‘yung special cheering dance no. ni Joy. Actually it was a mother-daughter tandem group. Most of the grade two parents joined. The kids were very excited. When Joy informed me weeks before na they’ll be doing a sort of a ‘cheering squad’ team, I was amused and happy for her. And yes, I also kidded her, saying I could just imagine how the two of them will perform together with the other parents and students.

On their first rehearsal day, Joy was a bit tense, kasi buong school life daw niya hindi siya sumasali sa ganung mga activities pero ngayon, wala siyang choice. Puwede naman siyang huwag sumali, actually. Pero naisip niya, pag di kasi siya nag-participate, malulungkot si Belle. The primary reason why she was doing this, aniya, was for Belle.

Gusto ko sanang i-post yung cheering squad nila pero ayaw niyang i-post ko sa aking mga blogs. So…pag nadaan na lang kayo sa bahay, pakita ko. Hehe.

The highlight of the whole day affair for me was the soooo unexpected, wonderful and heart-tugging surprise na pinamunuan ni Ms. Ria – all of us parents and students were encouraged to sit on the court grounds in front of a large vidiwall. Moments later, we were surprised dahil special video clips of some working parents who couldn’t join us that day were shown. Those parents work in far places like Subic, Singapore or the UAE. And then, the school’s directress, Ms. Rowie, introduced us to a montage featuring all of us parents in group shots with our children. I was misty-eyed when I saw our picture, with Joy and Belle and Ivan…while Jose Mari Chan’s song No Rewind, No Replay plays in loop, serving as background music.

It was so sweet and thoughtful of the organizers to think of something like this. Ivan was sleeping on my lap when the song was played, while Joy was hugging Belle. It was a very quiet moment, and I know for Belle, hindi pa niya masyado grasped ang kahulugan nito. But for someone like me, who grew up without a father, the song speak volumes. I just hope and pray that in the future, when Joy and I would one day find ourselves in an empty nest, we would just close our eyes and think of days like this – and never regret not being there for our kids.

Click this if you want to hear the song.

No Rewind, No Replay
(by Jose Mari Chan)

It’s 2am we’re lying in bed

Stillness all around there’s not a sound except in my head

Of happy songs children laughing

Kids celebrating youth like it never would end

Not long ago they sat on our knees

We drew cartoons, flew to the moon, trimmed christmas trees

But time has flown look how they’ve grown

Soon she’ll be you, and soon he’ll be.. like me..

There’s no rewinding no replay

The chance you lose today will be gone when it’s gone

We’ll never be quite as strong nor as young as this again

Make them last, make these moments... last right now.

Birthday ni Misis

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 05:29:00 +0000

And so life begins...

Happy birthday to my great best friend, confidant, lover, critic, wife, etc...etc...and to the mother of the two most makulit but most adorable tsikitings in the world...

Joy...

Happy Birthday!

Love you. Mwah.

all yellow @ belle's school

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 07:33:00 +0000

@the lpms 24th foundation day: @the four @ twenty-four.

will write and post more pixs soon.

An Asian Night at the Oscars

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 10:53:00 +0000

For the first time in my Oscar-watching history, I have been privileged to view (and yes, kinda judged together with Joy) most of the nominated films even before the winners were announced. Thanks to the proliferation of art film DVDs and Internet streaming practically everywhere, this scenario that was unthinkable before is made possible now.

My predictions (not necessarily preferences) that did not make it:

Mickey Rourke as Best Actor for The Wrestler
Viola Davis (Doubt) beating Penelope Cruz (Vicky Cristina Barcelona)
Kung-Fu Panda upsetting Wall-E

My predictions that did win!:

Kate Winslet in The Reader
Jai-Ho for Best Original Song

***

Here's a complete list of all the Oscar-nominated films this year that I have seen in the last couple of weeks, a big chunk of them I thankfully managed to squeeze in in a span of 24-hours just before the big day:

Iron Man
The Dark Knight
Wall-E
Wanted
Bolt
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Changeling
Doubt
Milk
In Bruges
Slumdog Millionaire
Kung Fu Panda
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
The Reader
Tropic Thunder
Rachel Getting Married
Frozen River
The Wrestler
Australia

From this batch, I only saw two theatrical releases (The Dark Knight at Robinson's Galleria and Iron Man at the International Finance Center in Hong Kong May of last year), the rest were either in DVD format or Avi files.

From the crop I've seen, I can't help but feel the need to really analyze all the praises and accolades thrown at the eventual Best Picture, Slumdog Millionaire. Yes, it is a feel-good movie especially in this time of recession, and it is a celebration of triumph and perseverance. But most of all, it is an ode to a love lost and found.

I haven't read the book from which the screenplay was based, but after seeing the film, I can say that the plot and premise is not totally original. From the first few frames, I am easily reminded of the exact premise of the 1995 critical hit The Usual Suspects, but in this thriller, the spectacular and too-good-to-be-true confessions were told by Verbal Clint in reverse as opposed to Jamal Malik's chronological re-telling of events based from what happened since his childhood in the slums of Bombay.

And it has several unforgettable scenes, and a standout is the (in)famous flashback of the first question where the young Jamal is trapped in a makeshift toilet. For this scene alone, one is instantly exposed to the gritty slums of Mumbai. Its unapologetic and raw images of poverty can easily draw out the worst from skeptics in prejudging how Jamal, a youth who grew up in this grime and heat, can answer all the questions thrown his way in India's version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?.

At awards night, I was so happy to see this film make a near sweep of 8 out of 10 Oscars it was nominated for (missing out only in the Best Sound Effects Editing and the other in the Best Song category, where my instant favorite Jai-Ho, a Bollywood number which I rightly predicted to win the Best Original Song.) These musical gems are penned and composed by two-time-winner-in-one-night R.A. Rahman, India's beloved "Mozart", pictured above.

Another pleasant shock, actually - the only real surprise winner - for me was in the Best Foreign Language Film where Japan's Departures at last won for Japan a regular competitive Oscar. During Akira Kurosawa's time, the foreign film category was an honorary award.

This 81st edition I can definitely say is sort of, well, an Asian Night. Hooray to Asian films!

Ang Ingglisera at Tagalogista

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 04:47:00 +0000

Sa ngayon ‘yun ang pagkakaiba ng dalawa kong anak, and I have my theories: si Belle mas naunang nag-Ingles, si Ivan naman, mas unang na-exposed sa Tagalog.

Na parang si Belle, hindi mahilig (correction: ayaw) uminom ng juice or softdrinks dahil talagang tubig lang ang sinanay naming siyang inumin, or kahit pa sabihin mong may sari-sari store kami sa bahay. While si Ivan naman, talagang nagwawala pag nakakita ng Coke at hindi mo binigyan. And why is this so? Siyempre yung mga kasama niya (I won’t mention names) ang unang nagpatikim sa kanya nito. Kaya nga minsan pag sinasabi nilang “Ba’t kaya si Ivan mahilig uminom ng Coke?” agad kong sasabihin sa utak ko, “Siyempre, sinanay niyo!”

Malaki nga siguro ang factor ng set-up namin kumpara nung baby pa si Belle noon. Dahil siguro when Belle was born, halos kaming tatlo lang. Maya’t-maya niya kaharap ang mga English shows sa Disney Channel kaya she was more adept and fluent in speaking the English language. Belle can carry a ‘twang’ or puwedeng mag-slang lalo na kung kausap niya si cousin Matthew or her playmate best friend sa village namin, si Chuckie.

Si Ivan naman, on the other hand, mas maagang na-expose sa Tagalog, dahil nang ipinanganak siya, nandiyan na sa bahay namin ang ilang kasamahan na ang hilig manood ng mga Tagalog shows (telenovelas and Eat Bulaga lalo na).

Ironic, alam kong nagsusulat ako sa Filipino, actually I have this nationalistic stance pa nga dati na kung magsusulat ako, sa Filipino lang – pero gusto kong marunong o mas ma-Ingles ang mga anak ko – primarily siguro dahil gusto kong pag nag-usap sila ng kanilang mga pinsang tiga-Amerika, hindi sila malulunod or talagang makakasabay sila. I was thankful dahil when all of them cousins met together for the first time sa Boracay, kayang-kayang makipagsabayan si Belle. Actually nagulat nga yung ibang nakarinig sa kanya, akala, laki rin siyang Amerika.

From time to time when I talk to my kids at home, if they answer me in Tagalog – uulitin ko ang tanong na: “Can you say that in English?” Or, minsan I make it a little hard for them, sasabihin ko, “Sorry, I can’t understand it Belle. Can you say that to me in English?” Maiinis siya minsan. One time pa nga sumagot siya na something like, “Papa, Filipino ‘yung subject ko, dapat Pilipino rin ang sagot ko sa iyo!” Or, sasabihin niya, “Pilipino naman tayo ba’t tayo mag-i-English?”

Sasagutin ko siya ng we are not 100% Filipino. Na totoo naman dahil ang Papa ko, may dugong Kastila at dugong Amerkano. Mama ko naman, pure Ilocana.

Si Ivan naman, may pagka-iritable pag sinasabi kong speak in English – sasabihin niya, “It’s too early!” Na ewan ko bakit ganu’n sinasagot niya. Natatandaan ko lang sinasabi ang too early pag halimbawang gusto nila ng Ate Belle niya na manood ng TV pero napaka-aga pa.

***

Masipag ngayong magtapon ng basura si Ivan. I mean, hindi siya makali pag hindi sa trash can tinatapon halimbawa, ang supot ng sitsirya o kahit ang balat ng chocolate or any candy. At his age before, si Belle naman may pagka-OC pag nakakalat ang mga gamit niya, talagang ina-arrange mga sapatos niya ng pahalang, according to size. There was one incident that time kung saan nagulat kami dahil kahit nasa shoe store kami, inayos niya mga sapatos na naka-display dahil nga naman hindi pantay-pantay ang pagkaka-ayos, to the delight of the two sales ladies na nag-assist sa amin.

Pag naaasar si Ivan ngayon, hilig niyang sabihin: “Hum, di bate!” (translated: Humph! Hindi kita bati!) or very recently, nagulat ako dahil pag gusto niyang mapakinggan mo siya or may sinasabi siya na hindi mo agad makuha, o pag gusto niyang makuha ang atensiyon mo at di mo agad siya pinansin, galit niyang sasabihin “Kulet neto!” (translated: Ang kulit nito!).

Belle in the Age of Texting

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 05:35:00 +0000

I’m posting the following texts 8-year old Belle had sent me since she first started using our pang-load cell phone, a black 5210 which she uses occasionally whenever she feels like it. Her September 8 text I believe was sent with Joy’s supervision. They were in Amuyong, Alfonso, Cavite then, Joy’s hometown province, a pristine and serene municipality about a stone’s throw away from Nasugbu, Batangas.

Hello papa this is belle and ivan how are you?
September 8, 2008 8:52 p.m.

We are okey.I studied my lessons with MAMA.We are waiting for you.Please ingat ka PAPA. I love u.
September 8, 2008 9:03 p.m.

This is belle who are you? Ha.
September 16, 2008 9:48 p.m.

Hello are you papa. Don?
September 16, 2008 9:50 p.m.

Hello. Papa are you alright? I miss you very mutch.
September 25, 2008 9:03 p.m.

The following exchanges naman happened when Belle got angry with me one Wednesday morning because I forgot to bring her something that I promised a few days back. It was my wont to kiss her and Ivan every time before going to work, even if they were still both sleeping, but for this one particular morning, she refused to be kissed. I still gave her my flying kiss before I headed out the door, feeling heavy down inside as I’m a firm believer of that practice of “learn to say goodbye”. Ayoko naming pilitin. Later that evening, I got a very pleasant text from her. This time I believed she texted me on her own without Joy’s help:

Hello papa I am sory.
January 7, 2009 6:08 p.m.

From Me:
Hi honey, it’s okay. I love you very much. - Papa
January 7, 2009 6:19 p.m.

I love you too.
January 7, 2009 6:28 p.m.

Go home safe.
January 7, 2009 6:30 p.m.

From Me:
Okay, honey. I will. I’m in the car already but it is raining here. And the cars are moving slowly. Did Mama cook already? What is our food for dinner?
January 7, 2009 6:31 p.m.

Sopas and ham belle.
January 7, 2009 6:33 p.m.

Ivan ses hello.
January 7, 2009 6:36 p.m.

This one she texted while waiting for her school bus I guess as she didn’t text me back.

Hello papa how are you there in wnrk I love you so mutch. Belle.
January 8, 2009 11:05 a.m.

I love you too honey. Papasok ka na?
January 8, 2009 11:08 a.m.

It’s somewhat refreshing, though a bit of a stretch to text someone using the proper spelling of words. I’m afraid answering Belle using text-jargon would not be good for her spelling. Other kids I know might have learned texting at an even earlier age, but I’m really not sold to the idea of technology gadgets being the norm when I wanted my kids to learn the value of face to face, or verbal mode of communication. Gone are the days when we plan weekends on letter loghand writing so we could mail them at the post office on Monday mornings, or when we memorize to heart all the telephone numbers of our friends and even the basic institutions like the police, fire departments, or even the guard house out post in the village.

When I was eight, I had been on my feet outdoors every afternoon on weekdays – playing patintero, tumbang preso, that “asawa ni marie-walang panty” game or siyato with my childhood buddies while now, cable television, Game Boys or PSPs had been the staple fare at home once the elementary students had arrived home from school. Technology in the guise of gaming was an unknown word then – in fact, only the elite few among my classmates had the privilege and prestige of owning that “cool” Game and Watch computer game. Us lesser mortals had to be content with a few-minutes borrow or had to watch the ‘experts’ escape the Octopus’ growing arms or the Chef’s cooking in the pan from the sidelines. Our telephone then just looked like a flower vase to me, pretty to look at but not really functional as far as I was concerned. Even if my elder sisters already had their fervent callers then, I had not succumbed to its charms – mostly by default maybe, as most of my friends are out there on the streets, fighting tooth and nails for the title of "prinsipe at prinsesa ng larong kalye". I remember with fondness that old heavy phone which you dial in circles using your forefinger or a Mongol pencil’s eraser tip – they were used very sparingly – until late high school when most of my friends who wanted to get in touch with me would ask me to call, as we don’t have a line yet in our village. It was even an absolute necessity then to carry in your purse sets of 25 centavo coins, as Ding-Dong Avanzado used to remind us: “Tatlong beinte-singko lang ang aking kailangan para makausap ka kahit sandali lang.” And now, just a couple of hours ago, I was talking to this - one of Belle’s fervent callers – a boy from her school. My voice sounded like I was interrogating a criminal so Joy had to take the receiver from me.

When I asked Belle naman why is that person calling her almost every day, she only answered, “I don’t know, Papa.” Could this be a sign that my unica hija is slowly inching her way there – to that place of affair I dare not mention yet? Huwag naman agad, I can hear my heart murmur.

And now this paranoid fear of my daughter texting. Other than me, who could she be texting? Ako lang naman, Joy reassures me. At her age, so different when I was eight, Belle already knows how to use all the gadgets within her hands’ reach – and you can include the microwave oven, MP3s, and DVD remote control features on the list. Now, even if she uses an ‘obsolete’ type of cell phone, she’s now slowly inching her way to grasp further the lure and comfort of technology. I just hope that I can still do my part to explain to her the pros and cons of these so-called indispensable gadgets.

And maybe, preventing I don’t sound like a kill-joy or whatever, I can explain to her the downside of texting – which I believe differentiates her X or Y status generation from mine. I still prefer honest-to-goodness face-to-face exchanges of pleasantries, confession, arguments and repartee. But what can you do? Texting is practical, especially when you’re both miles apart.

I just wish that texting will not really replace the necessity of talk between me and my children, even if this will become the norm of this generation. Written words can strike you like a double-edged sword but a word spoken directly could tickle your ears with ecstatic frenzy and make you shiver down the spine, thus making you more alive. All these things considered I still prefer personal calls from my kids on any given day. One honest observation on this texting phenomenon was ably put by noted Filipino writer Prof. Vim Nadera, which further encapsulates us Filipinos’ alienation to remember our more committed way of communicating with somebody in years past: This texting practice shows the Filipino’s character of being “Maalalahanin, pero ayaw makiharap.”

Bye, Ploning

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 03:18:00 +0000

Ploning didn't make it for the Philippines (again) :-). But that won't change my fondness and admiration for this little, heartfelt, sincere and unapologetically sentimental and nostalgic film made in Cuyo, Palawan. Am happy to see an Asian film make it to the penultimate list though, Japan's Departures.

Here are the nine finalists for the Best Foreign Language Film in this year's Oscar derby, which was just announced by the Foreign Language Films selection committee. These films hurdled the tough selection phase among entries from 67 countries. The five nominees will be announced on January 22.

Austria, “Revanche” (Gotz Spielmann, director)
Canada, “The Necessities of Life” (Benoit Pilon, director)
France, “The Class” (Laurent Cantet, director)
Germany, “The Baader Meinhof Complex” (Uli Edel, director)
Israel, “Waltz with Bashir” (Ari Folman, director)
Japan, “Departures” (Yojiro Takita, director)
Mexico, “Tear This Heart Out” (Roberto Sneider, director)
Sweden, “Everlasting Moments” (Jan Troell, director)
Turkey, “3 Monkeys” (Nuri Bilge Ceylan, director)

Wishes and Dreams and Goals for 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 06:30:00 +0000

After watching countless award nights year after year, I can’t help but notice that most, if not all of the winners acknowledge God, ang Nasa Itaas for their wins. Unlike sa mga ibang award-giving bodies abroad, like sa US, bihirang-bihira mong maririnig sa mga nanalo na nagpapasalamat sila sa Poong Maykapal sa kanilang tagumpay. Everything is about them – na sila lang ang responsable sa kanilang mga tagumpay, o sa kanilang mga narating. They thank people along the way, their producers, their co-workers, but no one can hear them acknowledge God…and that is sad. Pero ako rin naman, at some points in my life, I had to admit nakakalimutan ko rin Siyang i-acknowledge. Maybe that is why guilty rin ako sa puntong ito.

I believe now, given all the things na pinagdaanan ko in my almost four decades here on earth, this life is really not about us. I just hope and pray that little by little, I’ll see more of His plans in my life. I know He is not through with me yet. And it is my heart’s desire na mas maging meaningful pa ang taong ito para sa akin.

Sa inyong mga pamilya at kaibigan ko, let me say this piece: As we start this year, we humbly acknowledge that without God’s help, we are nothing. So with this, we again thank Him for all the blessings the past year has given us. And we also lift up to Him the new year ahead of us. May this be a year of more opportunities, a year to realize more of our dreams and goals; I also pray that we will be used more as a channel of His blessings – sa ating pamilya, sa ating mga kaibigan, at sa iba pang taong puwedeng kakilala natin o hindi.

Pag-review naman sa nangyari sa akin last year, honestly, ang dami kong gustong mangyari sana na hindi naman nangyari. But given those unaccomplished goals, there are things na na-achieve ko naman. Gusto ko sanang i-elaborate o ilista dito pero some of them are too personal. Writing-wise, may mga ilan rin akong na-publish (both in anthologies and book form), so for that, let me give me a little pat on the back. Alam ko maliit pa ang imbentaryo ko – but looking at those stuff that were published, a couple of them were written years ago pa, so technically, hindi ko sila binuno last year.

On my writing-during-free-times, (remember I’m a domestic and hands-on father weekends and holds a day job weekdays) ito ang mga targets ko this year:

1.) Join more contests like the “big three” in Kiddie Lit: Palanca, Salanga and Romeo Forbes. Sa Palanca, elusive pa rin ang dating sa akin, sa Salanga nag-finalist na at sa Romeo Forbes nanalo na. And this time, whatever is the outcome sa mga obrang sinusumite ko, kailangan ko silang…
2.) I-polish. Yeah. Re-write (or maybe discard? O isantabi muna). At pagkatapos, subukang mag-submit sa mga publications. It’s been four years I think since I last submitted a manuscript for book form sa isang publication house.
3.) Join more workshops and be more active sa KUTING, my writers’ group.
4.) Practice writing more in English. Alam ko weakness ko ‘to, but friends also encourage me to revive my stories using the universal language.
5.) Finish at least 2 novellas this year.
6.) Write this ‘dream project’. Saka na ‘ko magkukuwento kung ano ba itong dream project na ito.
7.) Read: More novels, short stories and kiddie stories. Buy more books. Speaking of novels, I had to buy Edgardo Calabia Samar’s Ang Walong Diwata ng Pagkahulog.
8.) I’ve been meaning to write this ‘screenplay in my mind’ for months now, and hopefully, pag kinaya pa ng powers, simulan at tapusin in two months!
9.) Others…

On the domestic front, here are my wishes and goals for this year:

1.) Be a more loving and attentive husband to Joy. And listen more to her dreams and be more sensitive to her wishes; and understand her fears. Also, we need to go out more! Yes, yung kaming dalawa lang.
2.) Ivan is growing up fast! Actually, napansin ko, mas dependent siya ngayon sa akin kumpara kay Joy especially when both of us are around. Kelangan kong mag-isip ng mas age-pertinent activities for him. Like maybe artworks or doing short films with Ivan as the ‘bida’!
3.) I had to teach Belle how to play the piano again! This time, hindi dapat ako magpadala kapag nahihirapan siya sa mga lessons. Yeah, piano lessons over Game Boy. Napapansin ko madalas sobrang na-a-adik sa Game Boy, I really think she should channel her creative energies more on worthwhile activities like playing the piano. Eventually I plan to give her some voice lessons too.
4.) Be more of a disciplinarian than a spoiler! Hehe. Natawa ulit ako…
5.) Think of more exciting and adventurous activities with the four of us together other than malling.
6.) Revive our prayer time and Bible-reading time together on a regular basis.
7.) Help more in the house! Well, I’m guilty of this. Pero I feel so blessed Joy understands my nature as an artist and writer and musician…sometimes she does all these ‘manly’ jobs simply because I have to write or attend to my magazine on weekends.

Others:

1.) Need to find time to exercise regularly, kahit every other day. Brisk walk more. Join a badminton or table tennis group maybe?
2.) Drink at least 10-12 glasses of water everyday!
3.) My aching back! Tagal ko nang hindi iniinda. Maybe it’s time I get some advice from Dr. Tuquero?
4.) Play the piano regularly again! Practice! Practice! Especially my sight reading.
5.) Update your blogs! Haha. Bigla akong natawa du’n…
6.) Save more…
7.) Travel more…both domestic and international…
8.) As much as possible bayaran lahat ng utang…especially yung hinuhulugan naming lupa sa Cavite and credit card…
9.) Try to get a US visa…sa pangungulit na rin ng mga kapatid ko! Hehe.
10.) Fix clippings; collate production major requirements stuff
11.) Involve myself in the ministry after almost three years…
12.) Write emails more to Ma, my siblings, family and friends…
13.) Communicate with Pa more…kahit via email…
14.) Pray more.

So with these goals/wishes/dreams – I welcome 2009 with eagerness and faith!

Happy New year everyone! God bless us all!

Coast Guard for One Night

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 09:23:00 +0000

This is Coast Guard/Capt./Commodore Gonzalez in his 2nd-place winning costume in our company's 2008 Christmas Party with the theme: Ano'ng Karir Mo?

Play background music: "Love, exciting and new...Come aboard, we're expecting you..." :-)

Couvade on Ani 34

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 01:59:00 +0000

My short story on birth pains, Couvade, was chosen as one of the selections in the Cultural Center of the Philippines annual literary anthology Ani 34. Ani, which means harvest in the Filipino language, is a project of CCP’s Literary Arts Division. For its 34th issue, Ani focused on the theme “Spirituality and Healing”, the book launching will be held on December 17, 7:00 p.m. at the CCP ramp.

Other works in the anthology include poetry by Kristian Cordero, Santiago Villafania, Dinah Roma, and Genaro Gojo Cruz. In the prose section, I’m excited to read Melba Padilla Maggay’s Once Upon A Bright Happy Boy, Chuckberry Pascual’s Ritwal, and Luis Gatmaitan’s Buhay-Bakwet.

Herminio S. Beltran, Jr., CCP Literary Arts Division head and Ani 34 editor, wrote in the Introduction, “Reading the compilation of poems and prose in this year’s issue, there is indeed a close connection between creative or imaginative writing and spirituality, and with it, healing.” “It is as if the act of writing, and with it, reflection and meditation, is itself spirituality, which brings about healing, first in the writer, and consequently, the reader,” Beltran continued.

Thanks to Ms.Betty Uy-Regala, Managing Editor, for relaying this wonderful news.

See you at the book launch!

If You Love Somebody, Show It!

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 02:49:00 +0000

This is one happy image from my growing up years. Just this morning, I saw it again on a picture, hanging on the kitchen walls of my brother-in-law Dennies' home in Iloilo. When I asked TJ with much amusement why they have it too, she answered, "I guess meant talaga kami ni Denn."

I am not a very expressive person, and sometimes I hate myself for that. But to my inner circle, and that means my family and closest friends, I can be ingenuous and show my wacky, immature, childlike (sometimes childish?), even crazy side. I just wish I can show it more often, especially to those who find me aloof, suplado and unapproachable. Hindi lang nila alam, I'm one of the most shy creatures ever in history. As Joy says of me often when no one is looking, "Alam kaya nilang ganyan ka?" or, "Kung may makakarinig kaya sa iyo...iisipin nila na...." Haha. Being with her, I really don't mind putting my guard down. Maybe that's why they call it "domestic bliss".

Thanks to fatherhood too, I guess I sometimes delight in regressing and stooping to my kids' level (literally). For most of the weekend, I am like that. But the saner and more responsible, and more mature part of me wears a different hat when real life calls.

Okay now, got to refresh myself on this mantra: If you love somebody, show it!

HIMALA!

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 02:35:00 +0000

A surprise chat with Icko earlier this morning:

Ix G: alam mo ba na nanalo ang HIMALA sa CNN Best Asian Film of all time???
Me: Wow! Talaga? I feel so proud. I voted for it too.
Ix G: ako din!!!
Ix G: hahahah!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

No bias against this Ishmael Bernal classic, which I felt was not given its rightful place of honor during its year of release ( case in point: only the Metro Manila Film Festival honored Aunor's performance while the rest of the Best Actress accolades went to her rival who swept all the trophies that year...).

Can't imagine this little independent film defeated my Asian favorites too: Kurosawa's Rashomon and Lee's Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and please include too the arduous Pather Panchali of Satyajit Ray.

Here's the press release from Inquirer:

CNN: ‘Himala’ best Asian film in history
By Gerry Plaza

MANILA, Philippines— A spellbinding victory for Philippine cinema.
Visitors to the Cable News Network entertainment website voted Ishmael Bernal’s “Himala,” which starred Nora Aunor as a simple provincial girl turned faith healer, as the best Asia-Pacific movie of all time, outclassing such greats as Akira Kurosawa’s “Seven Samurai” and Ang Lee’s “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.”

Others in the top 10 that vied for the honor, in which “Himala” was the only Filipino film, included Andrew Lau and Alan Mak’s “Mou Gaan Dou (Infernal Affairs)” from Hong Kong, Chan-wook Park’s “Old Boy” from South Korea, Hayao Miyazaki’s animated film “Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi (Spirited Away)” from Japan, Satyajit Ray’s “Pather Panchali” from India, Peter Weir’s “Gallipoli” from Australia, Wong Kar Wai’s “Chung Hing Sam Lam (Chungking Express)” from China, and Mohsen Makhmalbaf’s “Gabbeh” from Iran.

According to the CNN website, critics, industry insiders, Asian film stars, and CNN viewers chose the movies that landed in the shortlist of ten films. The online poll that ran in October determined the winner.

The Filipino classic, originally released in 1982, was announced the top vote-getter in the popular vote and named as CNN’s Asia Pacific Screen Awards Viewers Choice Award winner on Tuesday in a ceremony in Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia.

Hundreds of film industry luminaries from around the world attended the event.

Naku, Nakuu, Nakuuu! book launch

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 09:45:00 +0000

Got this from the ADARNA Newsletter, the book launch of Naku, Nakuu, Nakuuu! on November 21, 2008:

The surrealistic artwork shown above is the from the inimitable Serj Bumatay, winner of the Alcala Illustrator's Prize for 2008. The whimsical story, about a restless boy anticipating the birth of his first sibling is written by poet Nanoy Rafael, the winner of the 2008 Silver Salanga Prize for 2008.

Kitakits!

Trapped in Savage*

noreply@blogger.com (Fernando R. Gonzalez) — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 06:20:00 +0000

Ilang araw nang matapos kong basahin ang nobela ni William Golding na Lord of the Flies, a very good friend, barkada, and fellow musician from the States, si Pahm, sent me a link kung saan ko puwedeng makita ang pelikula. When I looked at the link, mas na-imagine ko na kung ano ang maaaring naging hitsura ng mga batang na-maroon sa isang unnamed island for a number of days. It has been months since that email and that reading experience when last night – to my very great delight – nasumpungan ko ang pelikula sa MGM channel sa cable. Belle, who just finished doing her assignment, watched with Joy and me. We watched at once dahil kakasimula pa lang. The seemingly dragging opening scenes didn’t stop us. We were hooked.

As usual, ang daming tanong ni Belle: “Why do they put paint on their face and bodies?”
Sagot ko, “They’re savages now.”
“What is savages?”
“Uncivilized people.”
“What’s uncivilized people?”
Na-overestimate ko ata ang capacity niya for words, which is understandable.
Kinulit ako, “What is savages, Papa?”
Singit naman si Joy, “They’re rebels.”
“What is rebels?”
“What are, honey, kasi plural.”
Sa kainisan, tinagalog na: “Oo nga, ano ba ‘yung savages? Rebels?”
I stopped to think: “They are bad kids. They don’t like rules. They are wild. There’s no adult figure to guide them. So they’re like animals, wild animals.”

Belle seemed to understand and just focused on watching. I remember myself at the same age – meron akong ‘selective’ tendencies – na pag nararamdaman kong medyo ‘pangit’ o ‘violent’ na ang tinatakbo ng kuwento, tumatalikod ako. Si Belle dumadapa pero hindi naman sinasara ang tainga, constantly asking, “Ano na nangyayari, Papa?”. (Naalala ko rin tuloy si Ivan, na talagang tawang-tawa kami ni Ma dahil pag alam niyang malapit na ‘yung ‘camel’ scene sa Dumbo, lumalayo siya at pumupuwesto sa may pinto away from the TV; babalik lang pag narinig niyang tapos na ‘yung sequence. Thinking about it now, may mga nakakatakot kasing figures ‘yung ‘camel’ sequence para sa isang two-year old.)

Hanggang umabot na kami sa eksena sa may cliff kung saan may nangyari kay Piggy. I was really stunned kahit na pa inaasahan ko ang eksenang iyon. Mas nagulat ako sa reaction ni Belle kasi biglang napasigaw, at tapos nu’n, humagulgol – I had no choice but to embrace her while she sobbed uncontrollably – hindi ko naman puwedeng sabihing “It’s only a movie,” dahil para sa akin, that’s what movies are – a reflection of what really happens in real life – I don’t want to spoil her developing sense of appreciation for the arts, like the application of the theory of the ‘suspension of disbelief’. Actually, naisip ko nga while we were just beginning to watch the movie na Parental Guidance talaga ang pelikula. Siguro kaya mas tama lang na pinanood niya ‘yun kasama kami ni Joy.

Ang tagal niyang umiyak. Then afterwards, tinanong niya ko, “Did Piggy die?” Just to appease her, I sort of twisted the answer – “I don’t know myself, Belle. They did not show it,” which is partly true dahil blurred na (pixelized) ang eksena to meet the censors’ requirement. I can just imagine na gross siguro ang hitsura ni Piggy kung sa unfiltered version nito.

Ang tinanong ko na lang sa kanya, “Do you feel bad about what happened to him?”
Tumungo lang siya. Si Piggy kasi talaga ang pinaka-sympathetic sa lahat ng characters, and I see where Belle’s fondness for the character comes from: nakita niya itong binully-bully ng tropa ni Jack, nakita niya kung paano ito binasagan ng salamin na alam niyang ‘yun lang ang paraan niya para makakita, nakita rin niya kung paano ito umiyak nang tuluyan nang kinuha ang salamin niya. His death scene somewhat affected her, na hanggang paggising nga naming nung umaga, ‘yun agad ang tinanong niya: “Did Piggy really die, Papa?”

Ngayon, hindi ko na puwedeng i-twist ang sagot. So I answered, “Yes, and that’s because some bad boys were not aware anymore that what they were doing was evil.”

The movie became a hot topic during our breakfast. Joy and I grabbed the chance to explain to her the repercussions of a world devoid of wisdom in choosing between what is right and what is wrong. We also explained to her the consequences of a child’s disobedience in following her parents or any set of rules for that matter.

“It is frightening honey when kids don’t follow rules. They can turn into savages.”

Pinag-usapan rin namin ang mga paboritong eksena. Joy’s pick was that chase scene kung saan kamuntik-muntikan nang maabutan si Ralph. Pero nang makita siya ng dalawang kambal, who now chose to wear the ‘savage’ make-up of Jack’s group, hindi pa rin nila ito binuko. Somewhere, they are loyal to Ralph kahit pa ang allegiance nila outwardly ngayon ay na kay Jack na. Joy put the comparison between the two eloquently while explaining to Belle: “Ralph wants the group to keep the fire burning because his desire for them is long term, while Jack wants them to hunt, and that is for short term.”

Oo nga naman, they were hunters – kahit hindi nila alam kung ano pa ang maaaring gawin sa baboy-ramo maliban sa pugutan ang ulo nito at gawing panakot – pero hunting would not take them very far. Ang mahalaga, matunton sila – so it was Ralph’s plan that promises salvation and redemption pero the other boys chose to pick the easier way out – and that by breaking the rules, they slowly put themselves further down the road to perdition.

In the end, after an exhausting chase scene, the rescuers arrived. The marine that found them wore a nonplussed expression, probably wondering why they were dressed that way. Sa tingin nito, parang walang nangyari. Na sa tingin ng isang matanda, para lang silang mga batang naiwang sandali sa kadawagan at naglaro lang ng ‘Indian-Cowboy’ game. Pero para sa ating nakasubaybay ng kanilang pinagdaanan, we can’t be fooled. Ramdam na ramdam mo ang hinagpis sa pagtangis ni Ralph sa buhanginan. Alam nating marami siyang pinaghihinayangan, marami siyang gusto sanang nagawa kung nasunod lamang ang malinis niyang mga hangarin, kung wala lang sanang nangyaring pagkawala ng bait hindi lamang sa grupo, kundi sa mga pangyayari. Tulad ng ending ng The 400 Blows na natapos sa dalampasigan, alam mong nasa dead-end na siya. Umaasa ka na lang na sana’y maka-move on pa rin siya nang matiwasay sa kanyang pagbalik sa kabihasnan.

*The title of this blog refers to a Creative Dramatics we did from our childhood, year 1986 where the following played kids trapped in a forest, starring Icko Gonzalez, and the Mishuku brothers, Travis and Ken and Vangie Chio.